THE BINGE

Alright, folks – it’s about to get real. I started this blog to be HONEST. To share my journey. To give you a peek into the window of my past, and to come along with me on the journey into a healthier future. So here’s a huge truth of mine: I used to be a binge eater.

Embarrassing, but true. I also used to struggle with depression, which led to the binge eating. I’d talk more about that, but perhaps that’s for another post. Right now I want to talk about all.the.EATING.

I’d have entire nights where all I did was lay in bed, read books, and binge eat BAGS of chips. I’d eat BOXES of cheesy crackers. Full bags of licorice. I’d seriously be staying up until all hours of the morning just to eat.

I could blame a lot of things. A poor body image that was forced on me at a young age. Constantly worrying about my “thunder thighs.” ALWAYS sucking in my stomach, afraid that people would see how fat I really was. I had been doing that for years, even when I was at my thinnest.

Food was always a crutch for me – especially junk food. I’d reason it away and say I was doing it because these things were “comfort foods.” But they DIDN’T give me any comfort. Why couldn’t I see that? They furthered my crappy body image. They made me feel like a walking hunk of junk. They gave me headaches, left me bloated, and ensured that I was packing on the pounds during all of my young adulthood.

I’d love to blame depression. Or a warped body image. But I didn’t get to 335 pounds (yep, you read that right) by ACCIDENT. What was happening was full blown self-destruction, one bag of chips at a time.

I want to preach to you about how I’ve changed. How I’m fully past this. But that would be a bold-faced lie. Because part of me, on a super-crazy-awful bad day, does occasionally want to just grab a bag of chips at the store. But then I remember all of my progress. All of the sweat I’ve put into this. All of the late nights and early mornings.

I’m down 85 POUNDS. I’ve worked my butt off (literally) to get where I stand today. I have Beachbody programs and Shakeology to thank for it. I have the love and support of my Coach, my team, and all of my family and friends to thank for it.

I ain’t goin’ back. NOPE. Not happening. Screw you, bad body image. Shove it, junk food. I’m on a path to HEALTH. I’m using these fitness programs and my amazingly delicious super food shake as my building blocks. I’m sticking to my guns this time, and I’m going full steam ahead.

I know I won’t always be perfect and that I’ll indulge from time to time. Honestly, a little indulgence is healthy. LITTLE being the key word. So if I have a bad day, I’m hopping right back on the train the next day. Nothing is going to derail me.

Because I’M WORTH IT.

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